Monday, November 11, 2013

Subject: Affordable Boat Act

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The
Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST
purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These
"affordable" boats will cost  an average of
$54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes,
trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees,
fuel,  docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

This  law has been passed,
because until now, typically only wealthy and  financially
responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This
new law ensures that every American can now have a
"affordable" boat of their own, because everyone
is entitled to a new  boat. If you purchase your boat before
the end of the year, you will  receive 4 "free"
life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.

In order to make
sure everyone purchases an  affordable boat, the costs of
owning a boat will increase on average of  250-400% per year.
This way, wealthy people will pay more for something  that
other people don't want or can't afford to maintain.
But  to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain
their boat will be  regularly fined, and children (under the
age of 26) can use their  parents boats to party on until
they turn 27; then must purchase their  own boat.

If you already  have a boat, you can keep yours  (just kidding; no you
can’t). If you don't want or don't need a
boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to
buy  one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined
$800 until you  purchase one, or face imprisonment.

Failure to use the   boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert,
ghettos, inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are
not exempt.  Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor
lack of desire are  acceptable excuses for not using your  boat.

A government  review board (that doesn't know the difference between
the port,  starboard or stern sides of a boat) will decide
everything, including;  when, where, how often and for what
purposes you can use your boat  along with how many people
can ride your boat, and determine if one is  too old or
healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also
decide if your boat has outlived its usefulness, or if you
must purchase specific accessories(like a $500 compass), or
a newer and  more expensive boat. Those who can afford yachts
will be required to do  so…it’s only fair. The
government will also decide the name for each  boat. Failure
to comply with these rules will result in fines and  possible  imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt  from this new law. If they want a boat,
they and their families can  obtain boats free, at the
expense of taxpayers. Unions, bankers and  mega companies
with large political affiliations are also exempt.