Ask Cap'm Fixit!

Cap'm Fixit has been sailing for decades and Gives Fixit Advice for all you Sailors out there!

"Everything worth fixing can be done with a hammer, duct tape and WD-40. All other tools are just a waste of money." Capm Fixit 1996. 


Thousands of you have been inquiring about where Cap'm Fixit has been for the last several months. It was realized that Cap'm Fixit was in spindry for substance abuse and hence explaining his curmudgeonly demeanor and why he has been crotchety and grouchy since he was in the womb. 

After a battery of tests, therapy sessions, group discussions and seminars that the court had ordered, the experts realized he didn't imbibe in the liquid of the devil or even do drugs. Their scientific conclusion is that he has Asholeberger Syndrome thus causing Cap'm Fixit to be a total @$$hole. 
- The Blog Editor March 27, 2013


They call me Cap'm Fixit, but my real name is Cuthbert Collingwood Bligh and I'm only doing this because of a court order. I would have gotten away with it had it not been for those stupid meddling kids and their mystery wagon, so now I have to give sailing advice to knobs on this blog. So, send me your stupid question and I'll try to be civil in my reply - but don't count on it since you probably are some type of granola crunching lost soul looking for spiritual enlightenment through sailing. You can all just kiss my @ss and p!ss off for all I care! (Edited by bureau of corrections for inappropriate language).
-Cap'm Fixit April 7, 2002

29 comments:

  1. Frank Johnson of Overland Park Asks:

    I sail an S2 8.7 with a Yanmar 2GM engine. When sailing, should the prop be locked or should I let it freewheel? If I should lock it, is it better to put the transmission in forward or reverse? I have asked around the boatyard and have received conflicting answers.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. CAPM FIXIT SAYS:

      Frank, where in the heck do you sail? You're in Kansas for God's sake! Here's what you need to do: get rid of your sailboat and get like a corn picker or a hay baler - make some money instead of wasting your time worrying about a sailboat in Kansas!

      Delete
  2. Andre Johannsen, Bath, Maine asks:

    Two years ago I bought a new mainsail for our Bristol 35.5. I specified that the material be soft and not stiff, as a friend who purchased a new mainsail for his boat found his new sail was difficult to handle and particularly difficult to flake. Unfortunately, my new sail, although well crafted, is even more difficult to handle than my friend’s. The sailmaker advised that soft sail fabric is not really available.

    Do you know of a process that could reduce the stiffness of my sail? I have been told I should try lazyjacks, the Dutchman system or in-boom furling, but none of these appeal to me.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. CAPM FIXIT SAYS:

      Here's what I can figure out about your post: blah, blah, blah. I don't really care about your stupid sail. Is it stiff? Talk to your wife or boyfriend! Look, you are probably one of those guys that spends more time wasting Capm Fixit's time about if you have a stiff sail or not. Here's my advice, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! How about this: get out there on the water and sail. That will make you less stiff, much to the chagrin of your wife and/or boyfriend!

      Delete
  3. A.M. Dufs asks:

    Will adding a flattening agent to a glossy two-part topside paint make it much less slippery? I would prefer not to add an abrasive antiskid medium to the paint. My original topside gelcoat has not been slippery, even in the spots where there is no antiskid pattern molded into the deck.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. CAPM FIXIT SAYS:

      Instead of wasting your time and mine on this stupid paint question, go out and buy a pair of crocs or some other nonskid shoes, you moron! Man always wasting Capm Fixit's time. Next question!

      Delete
  4. B. Magoogle of Duffport, England asks:

    I have a 1968 Bristol, and the mainsheet block is fastened to the boom with a swivel on a threaded bolt that fits into the boom end-fitting, which also serves as the attachment point for the outhaul. I cannot find a replacement for the fitting anywhere, and it is showing its age. Any ideas on where to look? If not, I may drill through the aluminum boom and attach a bail. Can you see any problems with doing this?

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  5. CAPM FIXIT SAYS:

    We don't get too many questions from foreigners, and I must say your English is fairly decent. Your issue is with a big aluminum pipe on an old boat. Buy a new one. If you can't, don't waste your time buying a drill because I don't believe in them. Get 1 or 2 good rolls of duct tape and duct tape the everlivin' sh*t outta it and be done with it.

    ...and say hi to the queen for me next time you get into town.

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  6. When I purchased my 1993 Hunter 33.5, I found the previous owner had installed a high-output alternator with an external regulator on the three-cylinder Yanmar engine. He also installed a simple pull switch near the engine’s control panel to manually energize the field voltage to the alternator. His practice was to start the engine, then engage the field to the alternator, I assume to control starting current by eliminating “in-rush” current on the un-energized field.

    I had a hard time remembering to turn the switch on and off, so I eliminated it by tying the field to the load side of the ignition switch. Since then, when first pushing the start button, I sometimes get no response. Releasing and pushing the button a couple of times finally engages the starter. Interestingly, I had the same problem with my last boat, which had a single-cylinder Yanmar engine.

    Is my theory of in-rush current to the alternator field pulling down the battery valid? I am thinking about reinstalling the pull switch or installing a time-delay relay that will energize the field after the engine reaches oil pressure. What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
  7. We just returned from cruising the Bahamas and were intrigued to see that our new Si-Tex CVS-128 color sounder/sonar unit regularly showed a thin orange blanket of fish hanging above a sandy bottom about 50 feet down. My kids kept trying, but couldn’t catch a thing! This happened regularly throughout our trip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and? And? So what the hell is your point? By the way, what are you doing with your kids out there? Shouldn’t they be in school learning how to earn a living instead of being abducted by their dysfunctional Daddy? Probably aren’t even the real Dad. People like you that ask trite, inane and stupid questions like yours is just a waste of Ol Capm Fixit’s time.

      Delete
  8. I recently purchased a Beneteau Oceanis 41 and keep it on a lake just outside Dallas that has mainly a mud bottom. I have a 35lb Delta anchor (which, according to the manufacturer’s website, should be appropriate for sailboats from 44 to 52 feet), 20ft of 3/8in chain and 130ft of additional rope rode. I usually anchor in 8 to 12 feet of water and put out 7:1 scope (measured from where rode enters water, not from the stem of boat). Since buying this boat two months ago, I have dragged anchor on numerous occasions. I had a Catalina 350 before this and never dragged. I have owned boats for 40 years and have done more than 45 bareboat charters on catamarans up to 46 feet and monohulls up to 52 feet and have never had an issue with dragging. I am always very careful to back down to be sure the anchor is holding firmly. It’s hard for me to believe I need a larger anchor, as this one already seems oversized.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Since you are from Dallas, you must be a big football fan and are a big Cowboys fan. I HATE the Cowboys going all the way back prior to Roger Staubach. The only Cowboy the ol' Capm did like was Don Meredith back when he was on Monday Night Football. Then you have that nutjob owner of the Dallas Mavericks. No wonder you think you can sail. You don't have any teams to root for. You also sound like someone from Dallas bragging about what a great sailor you are. "I sailed a big boat and I have sailed for over 40 years." Blah blah blah. Here's your fricking problem buckaroo - you need a much bigger anchor. For a boat like yours, you need to get yourself about a 400 lb mushroom anchor. Throw that overboard and you won't go anywhere.

      PS Cowboys suck!

      Delete
  9. Hal Waverly of Clearwater, FL writes:

    I just installed an Aquatic AV AM/FM/MP3 receiver and was careful to keep the stereo speakers from affecting my steering compass. The stereo system works great when we play the FM radio or when the kids play their devices through it, but I can’t pick up my ballgames on the AM radio. I can hear them fine with a portable radio up on deck. Any ideas? I am using my VHF antenna for AM/FM reception.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's your problem - you have crappy sports teams! I mean really, the Bucs? That's not a football team and don't even get me started on the Rays! You have one good Ray player and the rest sucks. I can't see why you would want to be out on your boat listening to the Rays except for the fact you have Tropicana Field. Here's what you do - get a portable radio to play your stupid games and then throw it overboard since the Rays and Bucs both suck. I don't know why in God's name you are even wasting my time with this stupid question. And as for your kids, I'll bet they play crap music like Justin Beiber and those nutjobs Daft Punk.

      Delete
  10. G. Willy Wonkers - Trite California

    I heard the Coast Guard will no longer be monitoring distress frequencies for marine SSB radios. How can we get help when beyond VHF range?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. G. Willy, let ol Capm think this one through. Hmm. Oh, here's an idea. DON"T DO DAMN FOOL STUNTS THAT GET YOU INTO TROUBLE YOU MORON!! You being from the whack job coast probably think everyone is reading your tweets and think, ooh, what can we do to make things safe for ol' G Willy? Hey bucko, we don't have any money in this country and the Chinese own everything. Here's another idea, next time you are in "distress" call China. NEXT!

      Delete
  11. I was intrigued by your answer about the loose-footed main and thought I could do the same on my boat. I also have a bolt rope foot that fits in a groove on the boom. My question is: can I use the existing sail as is and not put it in the groove? Or do I need to modify the mainsail?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You bring up a really great question and am so glad you asked it before Nurse Ratched comes back around and gives me my big blue pill. Loose fitted sails are for girliemons that should take up a different sport. And sailing is NOT a sport - it is a living or lifestyle. You will never get this bastage in the groove and the best modification for you on a loose-footed mainsail is rolls of duct tape to close that pestering gap.

      Delete
  12. George Dickle, Camus, OK

    Many times while sailing my Precision 23 on our local lake I find myself reefing my main and roller-reefing the jib to almost nothing to keep the boat from excessive heeling when the wind is 20 knots. However, when I do this I don’t get the performance I want. When I let out more jib, it seems I get better balance between the two sails, and I go faster, but I have to fight the gusts way too much. Would it be better to have a second set of reef points installed in my mainsail so I can depower that sail some more? Could I then sail with the jib out without having to fight off the gusts? If so, how far up the sail should the sail loft install the new reef points?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wahhhh! You big cry baby! So you have to fight the winds? What the hell are you sailing for then? It is a sailboat! It is windy! The boat will heel. Tell you what, don't go out when there is any wind, how's that? Leave your sails down. You probably are some kind of a weenie and I bet your wife bichslaps you on a regular basis.

      Delete
  13. Billy Bibby. Tucson AZ

    I have a 1977 Pearson 28 and have replaced the old Atomic 4 gas engine with a three-cylinder Universal 20hp diesel engine. Do I need to change the original propeller that was driven by the Atomic 4?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is the deal with you people that sail Pearsons? All you do is whine. There's too much wind. My engine doesn't work very good. I need,.... You Pearson owners all sound like Charlie Brown's Mom. How about this? Don't use an engine! Use your sails. How about this? Move in with they guy from OK and help him sail his boat. Or, just duct tape the prop on and be done with it.

      Delete
  14. Q: Sally S, Rockaway, IL

    I have full-length battens on the mainsail of my Corsair 37rs. They are 17 feet long. I broke two this winter. Where is the best place to buy replacement battens?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sally! Most 7-11 and/or Quickee Marts will have them in the batten section by the malt liquor and fortified wine section. What the h3ll kind of a stupid question is that? How the hell did you break them in the first place and in winter no less! You are screwed. Go down to the Quickie Mart and grab a 1.75 l of fortified wine like MD20-20 and take your lamo batten-free boat out for a sail. dum@ss!

      Delete
  15. Q: Mel Rockville, Shard, CA I just bought two marine handheld radios that also have land channels for GMRS. A few weeks ago on a hike to Mt. Ranier, the marine VHF channels gave us extraordinarily increased range over the GMRS channels. Didn’t I hear that land use of marine VHF frequencies will soon be legalized? Why the range difference?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The court ordered document says I have to answer these inane questions or go back to jail. Here goes, uggghhh! Is there no one out there? My clothes are still at the laundromat!

      Ok, Mel rich boy - two things - why 2 marine radios? Think you are trying to impress someone like a lady? NOT! No decent or indecent woman in her right mind would be attracted to a guy because he has 2 marine radios! Look, I don't know nothing about hiking and you ARE writing to a sailing blog - so go over to Bear Gryllis blog and ask him! You are in California, so if it is stupid they legalize it - if it makes sense they will ban it. You decide.

      Delete
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